Doubts
by Mello-Drama-Reborn
Summary: Now that Hao's become the Shaman King, he finds that many of those he left behind still have doubts about him and themselves. He finds himself with no other option but to help them figure them out.
1. Lyserg

I opened my eyes to a blank, white space; empty and bright as far as the eyes could see.  
"Lyserg, you're dissatisfied, aren't you?"

His voice didn't come from behind me; when I blinked I found him suddenly sitting in front of me, like he had always been there.  
_I see. I must be in the Great Spirit. But how?_"You brought yourself here, Lyserg." Hao looked the same as when I had last seen him, three years ago at the conclusion of the Shaman Fight. It was odd, but the sight of him didn't make me as angry as it used to, maybe because I no longer had any chance to beating him the way he was now.  
Hao seemed a bit curious to that too.  
"True, you can't beat me, but you still have doubts, don't you?"

"True... I-" That was why I was here. I had been thinking about it as I was falling asleep. I guess I was dreaming right now. "... Now that you're here, I can't kill you. You'll never die. In that case, what was I doing all this time, what was I living for-"

"You've gained a lot of strength in pursuit of that goal. Maybe you could use it to cure humankind of their corruption? I thought that's what I sent you all out to do. I've been waiting." He was watching me closely. I was still panicing, my hand cupping my mouth.  
All those people I hurt- all those I killed in pursuit of power, and I still haven't avenged my parents.  
No doubt reading my mind, Hao sighed.  
"You know, a good friend once told me that only humans desire revenge. It's a stupid thing. Couldn't you just let it go-"

"I can't let it go!" I screamed the words, my breath coming out in gasps. "They were murdered! By you! And I'm a shaman- I know their spirits are there, watching over me! I don't want them to think that I'm not angry about the way they died! To think that I'm alright with them being gone! I-I haven't accept their deaths yet-!"  
It was unnerving, the way he looked at me so calmly as I broke down in front of him. Try as I might, I still couldn't summon my old anger; I only felt _fear_, fear that my parents may be looking down on me with disapproval.

"Certainly you're not that stupid? It's obvious to everyone that you cared for your parents. Lots of people accept the death of loved ones."  
"I cannot! I made a promise!" My pendant materialized on my arm, and I pointed it at him as a threat.

"If you want to get revenge so badly, then prove me wrong. Prove to me that this terrible world can be redeemed."  
"That's not enough! I need to k-"  
"Would you like to ask them if it's enough?"

His question stopped me in my tracks. We were both shamans, and we were in the Great Spirit. It would be no trouble to bring them here.  
My throat was dry, and I couldn't get any words out when I tried to speak.

"Or could it be that you're too ashamed of yourself to see them? That you're scared of what they'll say to you if they saw you now, that they'd judge you for the things you've done?"  
He knew the answer. He just wanted me to hear it.  
"Go out and redeem yourself. Fix this broken world and undo the damage you've done." He smiled, suddenly. "I'm sure you'll find redemption when you get here."

"Could it be... Here... They can hear everything?"  
Hao only let out a soft hum in response, suddenly looking very bored.

"I think you can leave now." He was playing with his hair, sitting sideways on his throne. Suddenly remembering something, he turned to look at me again. "Oh; and you've seen it, so you should know. I've done some very bad things, Lyserg, but my mother still accepted me when I came here, didn't she?"


	2. Ren

I shielded my eyes against the bright light, annoyed and confused.  
"This place... I'm in the Great Spirit?"

"Right you are, Ren. You're sharp as ever, I see._ I always liked that about you._"  
I turned quickly to see Hao sitting leisurely not far from where I was. Instantly I formed my weapon in my hands, oversoul invoked. He didn't even flinch. If anything, he seemed amused. "And still quite transparent, I see. Really, I don't even have to ask why you're here!" He laughed as I tightened my grip on my weapon.  
"What do you mean, ask me!?" The look on his face only made me angrier, and I thrust my spear slightly in his direction.

"You were thinking about me, weren't you? When I asked you to join my team?" I flinched involuntarily, and his eyes narrowed. "It's not just you're power, you know. You were a lot like me." I began a retort but he stopped me with a wave of his hand. "You hated humanity too, didn't you? Called them insects? Slaughtered without a second thought?"

I had been like that once. Yoh had changed me, though. I remembered our first battle; how he was like the wind that I couldn't cut, the old woman on the train. I remembered training as a child; cutting through the corpse puppets and feeling a pain in my heart for each one I cut down.

No. I had never been like him.

"Hmm, maybe so. But we had the same dream, didn't we? To exterminate the destructive, vile beings on this planet. Isn't that what you would have done if you were in my place now?"  
"You're wrong!"  
"Really? Then what was your dream, for if you became Shaman King?"

He was right. That really had been my dream in the beginning. Human beings did nothing but destroy what was precious; polluted the air with their machines and their ignorance.  
After that, I didn't know what I wanted. I just kept fighting. I wanted to be stronger, I wanted to prove that I wouldn't waver anymore.  
What would I have done... If I had been Shaman King?

"I don't think you were ever ready. To be Shaman King." Hao's voice showed an irritating disinterest. "How could you know how to make the world when you don't even know yourself?"

He looked at me, waiting for a reaction, but all I could do was grip the weapon at my side and say nothing. He was right. I still didn't know who I was, what I could do besides destroy, what I wanted besides destruction.  
_There was something... Something that I was fighting for. _

Even though he knew what I was thinking, Hao still seemed a bit surprised when I started laughing. "Eveyone's dreams... They're so idiotic. An easy life, a comedy career, a field of butterburr as far as the eye can see..." They were all so stupid. Why worry so much about mine? All of a sudden all my doubts seemed stupid. I had been idiotic. "They were so small. So selfish... But they were worthy dreams, I think. I fought with them because I thought they were. If I had been Shaman King, I would have let them all come true."

"Really? You said they were all selfish. We can't live in a world where all our dreams come true. Where do you draw the line?""Hell if I know, idiot. It's not like it matters now, idiot. The Shaman King's been decided."  
"True."

I dissolved my weapon, feeling like I had a weight lifted off my shoulders.  
"You did something. That irritates me." Hao just smiled, and I smiled bakc despite myself.  
"I want to leave."  
"No one's stopping you."  
"Good."

I waved, closed my eyes, and found myself in the dark again; my sheets around me and my surroundings familiar. With a sigh, I fell into an easy, dreamless sleep.


End file.
